The Slowed Warrior
by Felix Rodriguez
Summary: After the events of the episode "Breaking Wind", Splendid sees the consequences of his actions and decides to give up being a super-hero. As he struggles to find redemption, he stumbles upon some survivors bogged down by some marauders. Starring Splendid. One-shot. Much more serious than my usual HTF stories.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Mondo Media does.

Note: I see this taking place after the latest Happy Tree Friends episode, "Breaking Wind". Also, for those who do not understand the title it is based on one of my favorite action movies, "Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior" only known as "The Road Warrior" here in the United States.

Secondly, for those who do not know who The Cat is, he is my OC character introduced in my story, "On A Hot Tin Roof" and I invite you to check that one out first. As for The Rat, he is an official Mondo Media character from the episode "Mole in the City" and I think he should be utilized more often.

**The Slowed Warrior**

**Starring: Splendid**

**Featuring: Sniffles, Russell, Nutty, Pop, Cub, Lammy, Mr. Pickels, Mime, The Rat, Lifty, Shifty, and The Cat**

Splendid flew above the destroyed wasteland that used to be the planet. Having once more botched a rescue attempt due to his incompetent nature, Splendid viewed the destroyed cities and homes with only one feeling; regret. This time he had essentially blown apart the entire world because he was so focused on finishing the novel he was reading. In the end, the unsatisfying conclusion to the story had not been worth so much death and destruction.

"Hello?!" Splendid called out to the wasteland hoping for a reply of some kind. The eerie silence only made Splendid's heart heavier. Sure he had screwed up some rescues before, but now it seemed as though everything he used to love and cherish was no more. With a loud sigh, the flying squirrel removed his red super hero mask and cast it aside, believing that he was no longer worthy to wear it. He then flew off once again to see if he could find any survivors. However, as Splendid flew off his mask glowed and spontaneously combusted.

As Splendid continued for awhile, he suddenly felt significantly weaker as he felt his flying speed slow. He gasped as he remembered that the source of his super powers laid in his mask which he had just thrown away. Splendid turned around to fly back and retrieve it, only to suddenly stop in midair and fall towards the ground. Splendid screamed as he fell towards the ground but suddenly looked at his flying squirrel wings. He glided down towards the ground and skidded across it, not a perfect landing, but at least he was alive.

Splendid looked back at the direction he left and only could sigh once again, now a mere mortal and possibly the only one left alive. Looking ahead with the blazing sun above him, Splendid now began a walk to try to find any sign of life.

After several days of walking, Splendid was tired and drained now sporting a five o'clock shadow as well as a scavenged outfit made of old bits of clothing he had discovered in a destroyed town. The only other thing he had found had been a small pocket lighter that he occasionally fiddled with. His do-gooder and positive outer self had now been replaced with a cold, hard stare and an almost constant frown. As he walked along the side of the long road with desert on either side of him, he occasionally would pass a destroyed vehicle on the side of the road and quickly scavenge it for anything useful before continuing on his way.

After all the miles he walked, Splendid still had yet to encounter a single living person, plant, or animal. All the constant reminder that he was the one that caused the situation reinforced his cold exterior. Suddenly, he heard what appeared to be screaming coming from just down the road. At first he jolted back from hearing an actual sound, but soon ran as fast as he could to see if what he heard was true or was just his mind playing tricks on him. Upon making it further down the road, he spied where the screaming was coming from.

Up the road was a small, crudely made fort in which several people were inside it screaming. Along the outside edge of the fort, several motorcycles were speeding around it, shooting crossbows at the fort's occupants. Splendid, whose heroic side had been totally crushed, only hid behind a nearby rock and watched the scene with indifference. After a few minutes, the motorcycle gang of five sped down the road and left the fort alone. Splendid quickly came out of his hiding place and sped towards the main gate.

As Splendid approached, a female voice yelled down to him from up above "BAH BAH BAH!" As he looked up, Lammy was pointing a bow and arrow down at him, ready to fire. Splendid simply stood his ground and did not move. Another voice from inside yelled up to Lammy, who dropped her guard as the gate of the fort swung open. Sniffles walked out and beckoned Splendid to come inside.

Splendid walked inside the fort as he stared with wide eyes at the first sight of people in days. Lammy held her "imaginary" pickle friend, Mr. Pickels in one hand and her bow and arrow in the other. Pop was shushing up Cub who was crying incessantly. Russell only gave a weakened, "Yar" as he drank from a cup. Even the usually-hyper Nutty as still as he sat on a bench, rocking himself back and forth in a fetal position. Sniffles led Splendid over and showed him something that made his mouth water with envy. Behind Sniffles was a tanker truck filled to the brim with pure, clean water. Sniffles showed a picture that explained that the small group was determined to make it to a city that supposedly wasn't destroyed with their tanker of water.

"Hmm?" asked Splendid who was confused how so many people could still be alive after the devastation. Sniffles cleared his throat and explained through more pictures that quite a few people had been around his water plant at the time of the destruction and they had been saved due to being submerged under water when the land became scorched. Unfortunately, a few of his former security guards went rouge and had been besieging the compound, forcing the survivors to flee to this area that used to be the storage area for the plant, where they have continued to attack and kill. Sniffles then sighed and showed Splendid one final thing, a chalkboard that had everyone that was alive at the fort, as well as at least 20 others figures that had been crossed out, apparently killed by the marauders. Splendid clenched his fists and grew very angry at the thought that vile people still existed even when there were so few left.

Suddenly, a crossbow bolt flew over the wall and landed inside Pop's head, who was still trying to calm Cub. Cub ran away screaming as his dead father fell off the bench and a pool of blood began to form underneath his body. Sniffles gasped and rang a bell to which the few other survivors grabbed what meager weapons they had and took places at the top of their defensive wall. Splendid joined them and looked down at their invaders.

Four motorcycles and one unicycle were down in front of the gate. On one of the motorcycles was The Rat, who had traded in his fedora for a motorcycle helmet and a pair of sunglasses. He smiled evilly as he loaded another bolt onto the small crossbow attached to his arm, having fired the bolt that killed Pop. In the back on the unicycle was a frowning Mime, who had smeared his face makeup to create the appearance of a skull. He had an improvised flamethrower on him which he demonstrated by shooting some flames in the air. Lifty and Shifty were also in the group, Lifty now sporting a military beret. Both brothers laughed as they brandished their weapons, a hammer and an axe respectively. At the front of the group was The Cat who had disposed of his zoot suit for a leather biker suit and was wearing a hockey mask to cover his face. Near his side was a sawn-off shotgun nestled in a pocket just ready to be withdrawn.

The Cat cleared his throat and yelled in a demanding voice, "Mow mow mow MOW MEOW!" He then licked his lips to demonstrate that they wanted the tanker of water. Sniffles was taken aback and angrily shook his fist at the attackers. Splendid stood tall and raised his fist in the air to signify that they wouldn't take the water no matter what. The Cat laughed and held up one finger to show that they had one hour to decide before they came back. Laughing manically, The Cat led the group of five down the road as their vehicles revved loudly.

After they had left, Sniffles only sighed loudly as he knew that he couldn't protect them any longer and woefully went to take one last drink of water. Splendid tapped him on the shoulder and, still with his cold look of indifference pointed at the tanker, extending his hand to Sniffles to say that he would drive the tanker. Sniffles gladly accepted the handshake and ran off to discuss something with Russell.

Meanwhile, Cub wailed off in a corner scared out his mind. Splendid came over and offered a hand to him, with a little bit of a smile creeping onto his face. Cub quickly ran over and hugged Splendid's hand with all of his might. Patting his head, Splendid picked Cub up and gathered around the others to finish up the plan.

Sniffles briefly explained the plan to everyone. While Splendid drove the tanker truck Nutty and Lammy would help defend from the roof. Sniffles and Russell would drive alongside in a van to pick up anyone in case the tanker fell into the hands of the marauders. They also would keep Cub safe from harm. After joining hands, the group split up into their individual positions. Nutty and Lammy took armored positions on top of the tanker, Lammy armed with her bow and arrow and Nutty armed with a licorice whip (which Sniffles made sure was made of black licorice so Nutty would not eat it).

Splendid took the driver's seat of the tanker only to give a confused, "Huh?" as he saw that a happy Cub was sitting next to him waving. Splendid smiled at him as he drove the tanker out of the fort with Sniffles and Russell following in the van.

Almost immediately, the revving of the motorcycles came within earshot as The Cat and his men approached the little convoy. As The Cat yelled out orders, The Rat took aim at one of the tanker's tires and shot it out with one of his crossbow bolts. The Cat smiled evilly and rammed his motorcycle against the van, sending Sniffles and Russell off the road, stalling them for the time being. Lifty and Shifty got closer to the tanker and laughed evilly. Departing from their motorcycles, they each climbed up one side of the tanker.

Meanwhile, Nutty kept Mime at bay with the licorice whip. However, all Mime did was ignite his flamethrower, which melted the licorice right off and caused Nutty to back off his post in fright. Lifty and Shifty, having climbed up the sides met Nutty and laughed at him as they withdrew their weapons. Nutty screamed as Shifty's axe cut off the top of his scalp. Lifty then pounded his hammer down, which hit Nutty with so much force that his skull was smacked into his chest. Nutty's eyes went white as his lifeless body fell from the tanker and onto the road below.

Lifty and Shifty now turned their attention to Lammy, the only defense left and laughed as they raised their weapons. On the other side of her, Mime raised up his flame thrower ready to cook her. Lammy only covered her eyes fearing for her life as her friend Mr. Pickels hopped up and took over.

"Huh?" asked the two raccoon brothers at seeing the pickle with a mustache and a top hat. Mr. Pickels raised his hat as his greeting and grab one of Lammy's arrows jabbing it into Lifty's stomach. Lifty screamed at the pain and fell onto the roof. Grabbing Lifty's hammer, Mr. Pickels brought it down on Lifty's head, squishing it to a pulp.

Shifty screamed at the sight of his brother being killed by a walking pickle. Mime, not amused by the sight simply fire his flame thrower at Mr. Pickels, who jumped off the tanker and onto Mime's face. Mime flailed around trying to steer his unicycle and regain his vision at the same time. Fed up with it, Mime pointed his flamethrower at Mr. Pickels. At the last second, he jumped off Mime's face and back onto the tanker truck. Mime's face was filled with horror as he realized the mistake he made as his own flames made contact with his face. The unicycle sped off the road and crashed into a piece of rubble. Mime's skull, fully burnt away and now just bone, flew off his body and landed close by, the skull still in flames.

Back on top of the tanker, Mr. Pickels now slowly approached Shifty who backed away in fear. Shifty yelled down at The Rat, who was working on shooting out another tire of the tanker. The Rat looked up in horror as Mr. Pickels now turned his attention over to The Rat. Mr. Pickels again jumped off the truck and onto The Rat's motorcycle. The Rat unfortunately did not see that he was bringing his arm too close to the tire of the truck. From behind him, The Cat yelled to look over, but as The Rat did so, his arm, his body, his motorcycle, and Mr. Pickels were all dragged into the truck as he was run over, his body being crushed completely, along with the small body of Mr. Pickels.

The Cat growled in anger as he yelled up to Shifty to get moving. Shifty saluted and instantly grinned at the now defenseless Lammy. Lammy gasped and looked around for somewhere to go. Luckily, alongside the tanker was Sniffles and Russell, having rejoined the chase in the van. Lammy leapt off the tanker and clambered into one of the back seats of the van, breathing heavily.

Shifty laughed and made his way closer to the driver's seat. Splendid looked over and saw the van alongside him as the occupants ushered him over. Splendid peered at Cub who was giggling happy. For the first time in days, Splendid finally felt that heroism come back to him. He realized that the longer that these people were around him, the more likely he was going to make their lives even worse. He decided that with one last heroic act, he was going to make sure that he never interfered with their lives again. Humming his heroic theme, Splendid picked up the giggling Cub and tossed him over to the van where he was caught by Lammy.

The van once again lurched a little bit off the road as it had to make another stop. Inside, Sniffles gasped as he realized Splendid was continuing on and he quickly told Russell to follow him.

From above Splendid, Shifty giggled and brought his axe down on the roof, starting to hack away at the metal to get at the occupant within. From alongside the tanker, The Cat sped by as he inched a hand down towards his sawn-off shotgun.

Splendid suddenly hit the breaks of the tanker, causing Shifty to catapult forward with a scream and The Cat's motorcycle to speed down the road ahead of him. Shifty grabbed a hold of the grill of the semi-truck and held on for dear life. Shifty laughed at his good fortune and peered his head up. Right as he did so, his own axe struck him dead center in the face, making him relax his grip and fall off the truck, dead.

Down the road, The Cat slowed himself down and turned his motorcycle around and faced the stopped tanker. He revved his engine loudly and kept one hand on his weapon. Inside the truck, Splendid withdrew his lighter one last time and played with it. He then put his foot down on the gas and sped the truck towards his enemy. At the same time, The Cat sped forward on his motorcycle, seemingly playing chicken with the larger vehicle. However, as Splendid got closer, The Cat pulled out his weapon and fired at the semi, hitting some of the partially exposed motor. Splendid gasped and turned his steering wheel as he felt some control slip. However, as he turned, the tanker itself turned and rolled over several times, eventually landing right side up.

The Cat stopped his motorcycle and got out, heading over to the driver's seat of the semi-truck. Inside, the once-heroic Splendid was dead, his head against the horn and his brains spilled out onto the hood after the truck rolled. The Cat laughed at his success and instantly ran over to the tanker. Withdrawing his claws and pulling away the hockey mask, The Cat swiped at the tanker, busting it wide open and allowing himself to be covered in the liquid that came out of it. As he licked his lips, he suddenly felt a twinge of fear at the familiar taste. The liquid that he has just doused himself in was gasoline, not water.

The Cat's eyes quickly darted over to the body of Splendid, which dropped the still lit lighter onto the gasoline covered ground. As the lighter made contact, flames spread within seconds over to The Cat as he was promptly set ablaze. The Cat screamed as his entire body was engulfed in flames. He desperately tried to put out the fire to no avail as he collapsed to the ground,, his flesh melting away as he did so.

The van with the survivors pulled up as they got out. Sniffles, Russell, and Lammy sighed as they watched the scene. The three saluted their fallen hero and all piled back into the vehicle. Splendid had finally become a worthy super hero, but at the cost of his own life.

Though their plan had worked, they believed it had come at too grave of a cost. The water that was originally in the tanker had all been put into coolers and stored in the trunk of the van while the tanker had been filled with gas as a way to fend off the marauders. As the van drove away from the burning wreckage, a wisp of wind created a familiar heroic hum and something appeared beside Cub in the van, glowing.

Cub stared in wide-eyed awe at what had just appeared in the car, oblivious to the other three. Cub smiled and placed the red super hero mask on his face giggling as he began to levitate.

Back in the wreckage, the ghostly figure of Splendid looked on with an approving smile at the next choice of hero as he was suddenly surrounded by the ghosts of the various others that he had accidentally killed with his atomic fart after the tornado incident. The ghosts of Lumpy, Giggles, Cuddles, Flaky, Toothy, Handy, Disco Bear, The Mole, and Petunia among others all glared at him. Splendid only sheepishly smiled and pointed at a new ghost that had appeared, wanting to pass the blame of who did it. The ghost of The Cat, having just appeared, shook his head as he adjusted, but instantly saw the angry ghosts of hundreds of others.

"Get him!" yelled the ghost of Lumpy as all the others started to chase after him as The Cat sped away screaming.

The ghost of Splendid smiled once again and saluted, humming his heroic theme, followed by an iris out.

**Moral: Clothes do not make the man!**

Note: After ANOTHER long hiatus….I honestly did not think I would make this one as serious as I made it. This one didn't have as many bits of humor that I usually like to include, but there is always next time. For those of you who care Lotion's Twelve Part 2 WILL be coming soon. I've just been having writer's block and finally decided to come out of the gutter when the latest HTF episode came out.


End file.
